What Did You Say?

 People keep telling me I'm deaf. I don't listen to them.

Since I recently did an audiology assessment and found out I have both hearing loss and significant Auditory Processing Disorder, my wife feels vindicated. Now when I don't understand her, or worse, she doesn't understand me, she tells me it's because I'm deaf and she knows it. Last night, we were discussing when this year's Olympic Games are starting (next week, by the way). I told her the football starts on Thursday. She asked when are the opening ceremonies, and I said Friday. She replied, "Saturday?" I asked her how she got Saturday when I said Friday. She said it's because I'm deaf so I mumble. I don't know how, even mumbling, a single syllable word becomes a double syllable word, that sounds so different!

So I wonder, how quietly, how loudly, do I speak? I don't know. But what's more frustrating to me is that I can't understand other people. And it's MORE than hearing loss. The assessment proved it. Don't try to tell me something important if I'm busy, I won't process what you're saying over what I'm focused on. Don't try to have an important conversation with me in a loud, busy place. I won't be able to tune out all the other noises and I will keep missing parts of what you are saying. Don't play music in the background. Way too much going on there.

Do you want to know what it's like having Auditory Processing Disorder? My type is like unless we are one-on-one face-to-face in a quiet room with everything written down, we might as well be at a rock concert. Did I mention I have memory problems too?

What did you say? Write it down, please.

Let's see if I can explain this better... Do you know that frustration of trying to understand the person next to you at a rock concert? Or maybe, after the concert, they complain that you didn't hear what they said to you and you have no idea what they're talking about. All you heard was sounds that didn't make a whole lot of sense. Well, take away the rock concert. Take away the thousands of people in the background. Make it a show you're watching on the television. The person next to you says something. You hear something but you don't know what, and now you've missed what they were saying in the show too. That's APD. 

And I'll take it a step further for you. Say you're concentrating on something, just thinking to yourself, and someone says something to you. You hear words but you can't quite register what is actually said. It takes a minute to realize someone is talking to you and by then you've missed part of the message. You have to tell them to start again. And on top of that, you've lost whatever you were thinking about. That's APD. 

Want to add another one more layer for fun? You're concentrating on something, trying to focus and get it right. Maybe you're counting, maybe you're trying to recite something. You hear a noise somewhere and get completely distracted and lose what you're doing. What number were you on? Can you even guess? What were you saying? Do you remember? No. You have to start over, or move on. That's APD mixed with an internal processing disorder that I haven't even been diagnosed with yet. And that's PCS.

What did you say? Oh never mind. I need a nap now.